How to be happy

SEEK went hunting for the secrets to happiness and turned up some surprising advice from the experts. This story might change the way you view your job hunt and your career — and even your long-term goals and aspirations. Happy reading.

Doubtless everyone who buys a lottery ticket on Saturday night firmly believes that hitting the jackpot will change their lives and bring new levels of happiness. Even if you don't believe that money will buy happiness outright, it is easy to assume that a bit more money than you already have would make you somewhat happier.

False assumptions

Surprisingly, international research doesn't bear this out. For instance, in pan-European surveys, West Germans had double the income of Irish — but it was Irish who year after year reported greater satisfaction with their lives.

Research by economist
HF Clarke shows that no matter what level of income people in the US reach, they want about 25 per cent more — a sum which remains constant no matter how much income rises. Those folk who do through luck or hard work have lots of money adapt to their new circumstances and return to their usual level of happiness. Wealth increases our appetites rather than sating them. "Objective life circumstances, once we've adapted to them, bear little relation to people's happiness," says David Meyers, writing in Psychology Today.

"Wealth is like health. Although it's utter absence breeds misery, having it is no guarantee of happiness. Happiness is less a matter of getting what we want than wanting what we have."

Ideas like mid-life crisis are embedded in our culture. Yet research shows no increase in depressions, suicide or divorce during those mid-life years. Happiness is equally available to people at every age, says David Meyers.

Wanting what we have

There's no difference between genders either: men and women are equally likely to declare themselves very happy or satisfied. However, unhappiness when it does occur tends to manifest itself in different ways; men are more prone to alcoholism, women to depression, according to Meyers.

If we're lucky, we can each reflect on our life and identify memorable moments of pure joy — what psychologists dryly call "an intense positive experience". Yet these events contribute less to a robust sense of happiness than do smaller and frequent pleasures. Such things as working in the garden on a crisp autumn day, an unexpected dinner out with your loved one, a phone call from an old friend who lives far away, finishing a good novel — all these things may bring happiness on a daily or weekly basis. If happiness were a psychologist's equation, it would equal frequent positives less infrequent negatives.

In a super fast world, it is easy to live as if the present were merely a means to the future. Living in the present means being more open to recognising and savouring those small moments of happiness that are potentially available each day. Locate happiness in what you are doing today, rather than always scanning the horizon for tomorrow's gifts.

If there's a secret to happiness, it's this: wanting what we have rather than getting what we want. It's not a new idea. Nineteenth century philosopher William James suggested that happiness is reflected in the ratio of one's accomplishments to one's aspirations. Yearning for what we cannot have is a sure fire path to dissatisfaction, unhappiness and frustration.

If aspirations are set too low however, boredom can be the result. Activities that involve no risk cannot provide the joy of achievement, warns Gilbert Brim in Psychology Today. The opposing risk lies in setting goals that are too high, leading to a sense of defeat and failure. A level of "just manageable difficulty" is the ideal middle path. When we do "win", by reaching our aspiration, we are encouraged to try again, to raise our expectations and therefore our performance — whether at work, study or personal relationships.

It's self-esteem, positive thinking and an outgoing nature that are the three traits which mark happy people's lives. "We're as likely to act ourselves into a way of thinking as to think ourselves into action," says David Meyers. Pretending we feel better about ourselves can directly lead to higher self-esteem. Putting on a happy face, pretending optimism and behaving in an outgoing way can trigger the emotions you simulate.

Valuing what's important

Living in a society which arguably values individuals over their social connections with others increases the risk of depression. Having several close friends, people you can trust and with whom you share worries as well as good times, is a powerful shield against depression.

A supportive, committed companion, says David Meyers, is among life's greatest joys. The health statistics (mental and physical) for married men are much better than single men. Men may be less likely than women to have close friends in addition to their partner.

Too much or too little sleep is bad for your body and your state of mind. Certainly it seems that people have individual levels of "enough" sleep. Knowing when you've had enough sleep though is easy: you awake refreshed, not groggy or exhausted. Getting enough rest dramatically lessens your risk of depression.

Aerobic exercise is a stress-buster and antidote to anxiety and mild depression. It's cheap, the other side effects are positive and it's only as far away as your front door and a pair of comfortable walking shoes.

Having control over our lives is important to our sense of happiness. Research on people deprived of real control — such as prisoners, patients in nursing homes, or even citizens in totalitarian regimes — shows lower moral and poorer health. Psychologist John Reich, in Psychology Today, describes "mastery" as key to genuine happiness. This can stem from a belief that we are the cause of the good things that happen in our lives; and that our actions can avert negative events.

by Rachel Rose